What A Ride!

I can’t help this.

I’m rather sad that 2012 is over, for some funny reason that I don’t even know, while I’m rather excited that my 4 months rotation in nephrology (argghhh!!) is going to be over soon. Very soon, indeed. Hey, that’s a third of the year!

I learnt a lot, did quite a lot, changed a bit here and there (mentally, physically too – yeay!), travelled to quite a number of places, did a few new things that I feel so happy to continue doing them, and discovered a lot too.

I ended 2011 with a huge fight with my previous boss, which has led me to a series of events that changed a whole lot of things in my life. At that particular time, I was rather frustrated that someone I’ve worked with for so long did NOT appreciate how much hard work I’ve put in for the patients, and expected us to do even more things. No, he’s never happy and I was not happy with that. Having gone through quite a sleepless weekend taking care of our own patients, he expected us to take care of the surgical patients that THOSE people are supposed to care about. So unfair, that’s what I thought.

So I naturally shut myself in the doctor’s room, crying, while him and Nick went off to do rounds in the first class ward. I called Dato Razak and told him I don’t want to be here in Selayang Hospital anymore. I just wanted to leave and go somewhere else. “Could you possibly help me get into General Medicine in HKL?” I asked, amidst my tears. He tried to stop me from doing anything irrational, saying that it’s going to be busy and all, but I said, just ask Dato Jeya (the head of department of General Medicine in HKL) and see what he says. Days went by and obviously Dato Jeya said “sure.” Then only I applied for transfer.

After Christmas and New Year holidays, things practically came back to almost normal. We had two new additions to the team, one medical officer and one Geriatrics trainee. So there were four of us who can take turns to do calls. We were happy that our quality of life changed (although we still leave work at 6-7pm).

Then I managed to bring my mom and sister to visit Kuala Selangor, go to Malacca town. Then went to Malacca again with Syasya. Then to Bukit Tinggi, Pahang with Syasya and Farah. All those during weekend and/or public holiday breaks. Farah and I went to recordings of Suhaib Webb’s Reflection (a superb TV show in TV Al Hijrah), it was really great, but sadly we didn’t get to watch even one of it.

Syasya was such a great addition to my life. She’s a physician, having passed all her exams. She’s single, she loves to travel and could spend for that hobby. We started planning for this and that, and obviously, some worked out and some did not.

In between all those, I went to Singapore for my 3rd sitting of MRCP part 2. Since there were a few of us in the department, I got to extend my stay in Singapore for another day or two so that I could explore, as a tourist. I spent one whole day on my feet, walking around Singapore, visited old mosques, Little India, China town, shopping, taking photographs. I almost went to one of the museums but it rained quite heavily that afternoon so I went straight to Orchard Road to shop a little. That evening I met up with Rathi and we had a good time walking around Marina Bay looking at the exhibits of the Light Festival. Really nice. Syasya was supposed to join me in Singapore but in the end had to cancel the plan because something else came up.

Another chance for travel came by when I, well, failed that exam. I was very frustrated when I got the result (more than I ever did when I failed all this while), so Jaspal let me off in the afternoon for me to cool off. I went to Ikea with Syasya.

We decided to go for a holiday.

It was early may. In the midst of planning for that holiday, I had another surprise. I came to work one morning and saw a letter on the laptop in the doctor’s room. My heart skipped a beat. I was to register with the Director’s Office in Hospital Kuala Lumpur on 1st June. That’s two weeks after my holidays. Dr Richard couldn’t believe that I was finally leaving. Dr Nick and Elizabeth told me all the horror stories of HKL. Jaspal had mixed feelings. Sure she’s going to miss me but at the same time she thinks that it’s great that I’m moving on somewhere away from Selayang, in which I’ve been for 6 years.

Let’s talk about Terengganu first. It was such an amazing, relaxing holiday. Syasya and I had a great drive eastward even before dawn, seeing the mist lifting, the birds flying out and jumping across the road, the sun rising. Managed to stop by in Kemaman Hospital and give a surprise visit to Ihab. Drove up to Kuala Terengganu just in time for our boat ride to Redang. We spent our days in the sun and in the sea, and our nights in bed (separate beds, ok). Truly refreshing. We went crazy shopping near Pasar Payang, and drove down to Kijal for a night’s stay before going back to KL. I met Ihab once more in Kemaman’s popular old coffee shop right opposite the hospital, this time it’s actually planned. He still felt like he owed me another cup of cofee (an expensive one), but then he’s too busy to buy another one because he’s living in his dreams…hehe.. (I told you, right, that the age 30 is amazing?)

My team back in Palliative Care Unit in Hospital Selayang held an amazing farewell party for me. There were balloons and ribbons and drawings on the white board, and great food and even greater presents. It was sad to leave a place I was so comfortable in but then I guess to progress in life, we have to move.

So my HKL days began in June 2012.

I landed in female ward 24 with an amazing clinician as my consultant, and an even more amazing specialist of the ward (who’s only 3 years older than I am but she thought I’m like 5-6 years younger than her – haha!), really cool registrars, and nice colleagues too. I wasn’t the last addition to the list of ward MOs when another guy was sent to our ward; Syazwan is a masters student who did his housemanship in HKL.

Obviously I felt very inadequate as I wasn’t in touch with that much acute medicine for so long. Yes, we did some medicine in Palliative Care but of course there’s a whole lot of things to learn. I was thankful that I sat for all those exams, even if I failed them repeatedly. Well, maybe failing those exams is a blessing because at least I know that I have to learn a lot.  Thankfully my ward specialist was really cool and she continued on teaching me things even when I went into nephrology rotation in September. Syazwan and I looked up to her to no end; we really love her for what she has taught us all along.

While I was there, I did manage to visit Terengganu again, this time over one weekend, with my mom and little sister. Farah and I also went to Being ME convention (for Muslim sisters) in KL, listening to a series of lectures by people like Yasmin Mogahed, Taufiq Chowdury, Raya Stockhard and a sister named Miriam. Amazing Muslims, they are.

Towards Eidul Fitr my life sort of turned a little different. I can’t really explain them in words but basically two things happened at the same time and I felt like such a loser. One thing is entirely my fault, another is nobody’s fault, it’s just that things happened that way and I can’t really do anything about it even if I wanted to.

It doesn’t help that I started a new, busy and stressful rotation named nephrology. Well, in a way it helps that I was so busy to even remember all the small things that I got frustrated about. However at the same time I felt so all alone and bored, it made me wonder why was I so bummed about things. Then I realise that I’ve never been, at any time in my working career, without someone whom I can depend on and ask for help whenever I needed it.

You see, going back to 2006, I have always had someone whom I can ask if I’m not sure about things. Work-wise, I had Hafidz who would always help me no matter where I was. He’d have the answers if I ask and will freely give me advice whenever I need them. Then when I was in Palliative Medicine, Dr Richard is always happy to discuss things and clear up any uncertainties, even when I’ve worked for so long with him, even when I was supposed to know all those things. He’d help me anyway, for the sake of the patients. In General Medicine I had Dr Aza as my specialist, Foo and See as such helpful registrars, Syazwan would help me out whenever he can with what he knows.

I felt rather lonely in nephrology. It’s not that my bosses aren’t nice, most of them were. The consultants did not even scold me when something very shockingly bad happened to one patient (Syazwan listened to the story with wide eyes), it’s not entirely my fault although the series of events started in my hands. However the nights and mornings in the ward felt rather scary and I worry about the patients a lot. Somehow my worries at times don’t reach the patients and misjudgments happened.

Within that four months, I did manage to enjoy myself (when I’m not at work, obviously). We had numerous durian parties at home, many of the most important people in my life came over to enjoy the fruit of grandpa’s labour, although three of my good friends didn’t manage to come. My dear cousin Sarah got engaged early November during a cool, drizzly day. My birthday shopping was a blast and I had a few books for birthday present, bought some nice stuff for myself too.

Within the second half of the year, I was introduced to the gym, meusli, and to the mosque. The gym visits helped me with my stamina at work, I don’t think I could have survived that heavy duty work in nephrology without it. It changed the way my body burn my food, I ate a lot more than I did before (and I managed to lose some weight too! Yeay!), changed my posture and made rest more meaningful. A lot of times, a short nap at night during on call is enough to last me to the morning (but what happens the next day is another story..hehe).

In the mean time I was so sad that I sort of lost someone in my life (although actually you can’t lose what you never had), I was scared of what would happen if I lost someone whom I love even thousands of times more than that. Those feelings crept into my dreams and my days too.

So our dear sister Yasmin Mogahed has introduced me (and the rest of the people who listened to her lectures or read her articles) to a life without attachments. Being slaves of nobody but Allah. Focusing to only one goal, which is hoping for blessing and recognition from Allah SWT and no one else. Having this world in our hands but not in our hearts. How to accept loss and failures without crushing ourselves.

All that by putting our hearts only at one place, on One Hand, that is Allah’s. For only when our hearts are focused on worshipping Him, we’d be at peace with that happens in this life.

I begin 2013 with a few big plans that I hope I could get days off for. Of course Allah has plans for all of us, if some of those plans don’t work out then maybe His plans are better. It’s amazing how much surprises He has in store for us, and I hope to be happy and thankful no matter what happens in the future.

Have a great year ahead, everyone.

The Relevance of Religion in Modern Times

Just now I had the opportunity to talk to a friend about how relevant Islam is at this age. He mentioned that the weakness of religion is that it fails according to the needs of modern society. Being a Muslim, I explained to him my point of view. 

 

I have a disclaimer, though. What I’m going to write about is what I understand about the beauty of Islam. It covers some aspects of Islam that I could put out in writing at this moment. It is, in no way, a summary of what Islam is about, more of a glance of things that we learn throughout the way. 

 

As mentioned in the Quran, in Surah (the chapter) Al Kahfi, verse 109, translated as follows:

Say, “If the sea were ink for (writing) the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if we brought the like of it as a supplement”.

There are a few interpretations of this verse. One of it is, if we were to expand the words of Allah SWT in the Quran, to explain the vast knowledge in it, ink as much as the seven oceans would not be enough to explain them. Even if we add another world of oceans, the ink would not be enough. Hence this article should only be taken as a glimpse about Islam. 

 

Please correct me if I’m wrong in any way.

 

In general terms, I could see it’s the nature of human beings to hold on to some spiritual beliefs or guidance, fulfilling of which would lead to peace of mind, even when one is faced with great calamity. For example, I work in a field where people are very ill, and death is a very familiar subject. Amongst the things that can fulfill our spiritual needs is prayers, or rituals, sometimes. Muslims and Christians would pray for their loved ones, Buddhists/Taoists (I’m not too sure) have their chanting, all of which I find will automatically change the environment from panic to calm.

 

Speaking of death, of course it is always relevant, because human beings are mortal, we all will leave this world sooner or later.

 

From Islamic perspective, we are taught that Islam is always relevant. Islam does not only consists of rituals and prayers, it is actually a way of life. Islam guides human beings how to live this life in relation to God as well as to other beings around them (be it human or not). 

 

The two sources of Islamic knowledge is the Quran and the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad SAW (that is the examplary actions and words of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW). The Quran contains the words of Allah SWT, which was revealed in stages to Prophet Muhammad SAW between the years 610AD to 623AD via the angel Jibrail. Prophet Muhammad SAW is a human being, breathing and living the way we all do.

 

We are to live our lives based on the two sources of guidance, as mentioned by Prophet Muhammad SAW in his last sermon, which translates as follows:

I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example (the sunnah), and if you follow these you will never go astray.

 

We are taught extensively about manners and good character (akhlak), for good manners is always relevant in this life no matter where we are. For example, we are taught even about the importance of a smile. As Prophet Muhammad SAW said, translated as follows:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr: ”The Prophet never used bad language neither a ‘Fahish nor a Mutafahish. He used to say ‘The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character.’ (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Virtues and Merits of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his Companions, Volume 4, Book 56, Number 759)”

 

We are also taught about laws of life. The forbidden things like corruption, murder, suicide, adultery, extra-marital sex, taking what’s not yours, to name a few, are always and forever relevant.

 

The spiritual aspect, like I said, keeps us calm and contented no matter what happens to us, be it joy or tragedy.

 

Since I’ve spoken about the forbidden things, I should speak about what Islam encourages and how it’s relevant. Amongst some of the positive culture in Islam: 

 

1. Islam encourages us to read (our first ever revelation)

2. Islam ignites curiosity and research in science and everything else under the sun (the first revelation also talks about the initial process of embryonic development). Science is not rejected in Islam. In fact, it is most welcomed as it would make our lives easier, on top of that, to be able to appreciate the amazing creations of God. 

3. We are taught to love our parents, family, be kind to our neighbours, and be nice and respectful to women, love children and respect the elderly.

4. It is important that we take only what we need from the world and share the rest of our provisions.

5. It is a blessing to be gentle. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

Show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it; and when it is taken out from anything, it damages it.

 

6. Islam encourages us to look for our own food and sustenance so that we don’t depend on others.

7. We are not to waste any kinds of resources at all even though we have them in abundance.

8. We are adviced to live in moderation, although we are encouraged to earn for our living as much as possible so that we could help the poor and the unfortunate. Islam advocates sharing with others whatever we are blessed with (money, knowledge etc).

9. It is good to be punctual

10. We should love the environment

11. We must fulfill our responsibilities no matter what they are.

12. We are encouraged to get involved in the society, mix around with other people, respect other religions.

13. It is from the example of Prophet Muhammad SAW that it’s good to play sports and eat healthy.

 

The list goes on and on, and there are numerous verses from the Quran and our Prophet Muhammad’s teachings, but those are too elaborate to put in here. 

 

My friend further asked, whether there is any need for change of Islamic teaching to suit the current social global situation, or if there is any existing change or movement.

 

I went on to explain that there are no changes in principles of Islamic teachings (based on the Quran and the words/actions of Prophet Muhammad SAW). There is no change of the way we pray, fast, perform hajj etc. It has taught us the same basic guidance of life since all those years ago. The reason is that Islam is supposed to fit all mankind at all times. The contents of the Quran has been unchanged since more than 1400 years ago, and God has promised us that He will protect the contents until the end of the world.

 

We believe that Allah SWT has created us, therefore as the creator, He has given us the manual to live our lives by, which is the Quran. Prophet Muhammad SAW is the example on how the Quran should be lived by. The metaphor that people usually give is, a car is produced by a certain manufacturer. It will come with a manual. If you stick by the manual, you should be alright. But if you drive the car into the sea, disaster will happen. Similarly, by sticking to the Quran like a manual, we should not breakdown.

 

Of course, we apply the teachings in all aspects of our lives, including while on Facebook, if we post anything on YouTube or our blogs.

 

For example, we are taught in the Quran not to backbite each other. It applies whether we do it by talking about it, calling other people about it, put it on Facebook, Twitter or our blogs, it still is backbiting, no matter what form it is in. It is mentioned in the Quran, in Surah Al Hujurat, verse 12, translated as follows:

O you who believed, avoid much (negative) assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when he’s dead? You would detest it. And fear God, indeed, God is Accepting of Repentance and is Merciful.

 

The Prophet SAW is reported to have said: 

‘Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like. If (that failing) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you in fact backbited him, and if that is not in him it is a slander.

 

Certain themes regarding money are mentioned in a strict manner in the Quran, for example corruption, or cheating in business. The Quran also states that you have to be transparent in your business dealings, in your work. If you owe someone money, there must be documentation, who borrowed how much from whom. Must be paid exactly as it was. Relevant 1400 years ago? Yes. Relevant now? Of course.

 

As a summary, there are countless of examples on how Islam is relevant to our times. The teaching is rock solid, unchanged since it was introduced, but the application is dynamic to time, place and culture. We do have the space to interpret and apply the teachings in our lives. The intention of Quranic and Prophetic guidance is for human beings to live in harmony with each other, as well as with other God’s creation. 

 

I would close this with the ending part of Prophet Muhammad’s final sermon, which translates as follows:

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others, and those to others again; and may the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. 

 

 

 

 

 

*SAW is short for “sallallahu alaihi wasallam”, which means Peace Be Upon Him.

Isolation

Recently there’s too much talk about bad influence. People saying this-and-this or so-and-so is bad influence to the Muslim’s akhlak, behaviour, beliefs etc. I wouldn’t say that it’s totally wrong, but personally I think sometimes it’s overdone.

There are people who say money gives bad influence to our beliefs, that money corrupts us. So they stay away from working hard and earning good money.

It makes us sound like our faith is so weak that we can’t face the world without being deviated to Islamic teachings.

What do they want us to do? Isolate ourselves from the whole world and stay in the jungle with “our people” until we die?

But then I thought Islam teaches us how to live our lives in the midst of everyone else, not in isolation.

In fact, the core of Islamic teaching is to teach us how to socialise, and encourage us to socialise.

For example, our main worship, which is our 5 times daily solat (prayers), compulsory to each Muslims no matter what their condition and where they are (with very very few exceptions): it is encouraged to be done in a congregation. When it’s done in the community, the rewards is 27 times greater than performing solat alone.

There are Islamic teachings on how to treat our parents, our neighbours, even animals and trees/plants too.

A Muslim should not live in isolation, but should get into the community and get to know as many people as he can.

Yes, we should be very close to people who are close to Allah SWT, but it doesn’t mean we should turn our noses up to those who don’t seem to follow His guidance properly.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW has taught us how to behave in the society, how to face the society, how to avoid ourselves from deviating from the right path but at the same time mixing with different kinds of people with various beliefs and customs.

I’ll give you another example:

“Rasulullah SAW said,

Whoever enters the marketplace and says ‘[Laailaaha illallahu wahdahu laa shareekalah, lahulmulku, walahul hamdu yuhyee wa yumeetu wahuwa hayyun laa yamootu biyadihil khairu wahuwa 3alaa kulli shai'in qadeer]‘ Allah would write him one thousand merits, would remit from him one thousand sins, and would raise him (his status) one thousand levels.”

Just imagine. Going to a marketplace, a shopping complex, and reading this zikr, Allah would give us such blessings. Why is that? Because there’s so much temptations in the market, so many things that we could buy and think of a reason to buy. Hence, to remember Allah SWT in such a place with such temptations, is in itself, a good deed and will strengthen our faith, insyaAllah.

You see, Islam teaches us how to go about in the society, in this world, without losing ourselves, by remembering Allah SWT and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Do we need to go to the market? Yes, we do.

Do we need to go shopping? Yes, once in a while.

Do we need money? Indeed.

Do we need to mix around in the society? Of course!

Yes, there ARE evil in the shopping complex. I mean, who is there to remind us about the hungry kids in Somalia, when we’re contemplating of buying that Braun Buffel handbag? Who is there to remind us about the kids in Palestine while we eye YET another pair of shoes in Clarks?

Who is there to remind us about who should we try to impress? Our family, colleagues, that pretty boy down the road, or Allah SWT?

I’m not saying that we don’t need to avoid temptations. What I mean is, temptations would always be around us, no matter what, even in our own homes (MORE so, I think), but it is most important to arm ourselves with the right thoughts, and the right attitude, so that the world doesn’t get into way of us being a better person, a better member of the society.

Smile

My dear,

I received your text this morning while I was driving to work. I had the opportunity to read it when I stopped at the traffic light.

I was listening to Sami Yusuf’s Healing.

It was such a sweet message of gratitude and appreciation, which was, as always, very well composed, full of kindness and prayers.

I was then reminded of your smile. All those years ago.

So I cried.

My dear,

You don’t have anyone else to thank, but yourself.

If you didn’t smile at me all those years ago, I wouldn’t have even been your friend now.

You have no idea how broken I was at that time, and your friendly smile gave me hope.

Your friendly smile gave me some faith that the whole world is still beautiful.

If I’m not your friend right now…well, things would have happened anyway, looking at the circumstances, but it’d be of a very different light.

I cried not only thinking of you, my dear.

I cried thinking how beautiful this sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW is.

He is the man who smiles the most. He has never been seen without a smile. The smile which lighted up the already bright face of his.

Just imagine.

As simple as a smile.

A smile that triggered a series of events.

I am thankful that Allah SWT is showing me the path, the right ways and reasons to follow the words and actions of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Because one drop of kindness means the whole world.

* * *

“Healing…a simple act of kindness brings a meaning

A smile can change a life

Let’s start believing, and feeling

Let’s start healing

Hearts in the hand of another heart

And in God’s hand are all hearts

An eye takes care of another eye

And from God’s eye nothing hides

Seek only to give and you’ll receive

So heal, and you will be healed…”

Part of Sami Yusuf’s Healing

* * *

It’s been a good week, my dear.

 

Between Being Thankful and Wanting Progress

Written on 5th October 2011, at 0050hrs.

 

People behave differently when they eat in a restaurant.

Some eat quietly without comments.

Some curse the cook.

 

As Muslims, we’re taught not to talk badly about food.

We’re taught to be thankful for everything that has been given and served to us.

We’re not supposed to curse or swear.

 

The other day I was having lunch with a 10 year-old child and she complained and complained and complained about her food. She said it’s not what she wanted. She wanted this sauce and the staff put another type of sauce on her sandwich. So she didn’t want to eat.

 

I really wanted to smack her. I really was tempted to. Maybe if she’s my own sister, I would have done so.

But all I said was, “just shut up and eat it. It’s your rizq.”

 

It made me think, though.

 

It’s bad to frown at food. Or at anything that’s been given to us, actually. But in her case, it’s true, the staff should have put the sauce that she asked for, not anything else. It’s HIS responsibility as a worker in that restaurant.

 

Perhaps what should have been done is finish the food, and tell the staff later that he has made a mistake. It’s ok this time around but try no to do that again.

I mean, the restaurant was very busy and it would be easier to finish the already-prepared food, rather than to kick a fuss and stand there, wait in line, just to change the sauce to the correct one. By the time we get the correct sauce, we wouldn’t have the appetite anymore.

 

It’s easier to be nice, really.

 

Which brings me to another thought.

What is the difference between being thankful, and wanting progress?

Does being thankful mean we don’t progress?

Does working for progress mean we’re not thankful?

 

I guess the same goes for anything in life. Imagine, I work as a doctor and my income is this much.

Am I thankful that I could earn this much?

Should I be working for more money?

 

Imagine, we have such and such drugs in the government hospitals, but we don’t have so and so drugs, because we can’t afford it.

Should we be thankful with what we already have?

And by being thankful, do we not want to get the ones that we don’t have?

 

As Muslims, we should strive for both.

It’s quite simple, really.

 

Allah loves those who are thankful to Him.

We believe that He has decided the amount of sustenance that we’re going to get our whole life.

We also believe that we will get them, it’s just a matter of how we get it.

We believe that being thankful will increase the blessings in our rizq, our sustenance.

Blessings means happiness.

 

At the same time, we are told to work. Work hard.

We are told to earn, to spend, on His way.

We have responsibilities; to our parents, children, spouses, our society too.

Allah SWT loves people who give a lot to the community. In this day and age, rich people could do that. They have the means to do it.

 

Being thankful and wanting progress aren’t really two separate things.

Let’s see…I’ll give you my situation.

I’m a doctor.

I should be thankful that Allah has given me the chance to study, to learn, to practice.

He has given me the strength, the health and the brains to do it.

Being thankful does not only mean saying alhamdulillah many times.

It means we need to use His gifts for the good of ourselves and other people.

 

That’s where progress comes into place.

If I’m thankful for my brains, I should study more so that I could work better, and teach others too.

If I’m thankful for my health and strength, I should work harder and help more people.

 

Being thankful doesn’t mean we stay at the same level.

In fact, staying at the same level probably means we’re not using what we’re blessed with.

 

Being thankful serves to make us happier people.

Simplicity, Moderation and Modesty – Saying it the Simpler Way

Written on 5th October 2011, at 0025hrs.

 

Simplicity, moderation and modesty are the best policies.

 

The other day I had a chat with my aunt about relationships. I summarized for her what happened around me during the past 2+ years in about 5 minutes time. Really, if you’re very close to me, you’d know how much drama it has costed, and it sounds like it’s impossible to cut the long story short. But yes, I could!

 

The following statements were taken from…emm…my own tweets, actually.

 

1. My cousins don’t even remember what my wedding dresses looked like. Do you think I’ll even bother the next time around? Not too much!

 

2. Don’t complain to me if you bring back RM 10000 per month. I’ll smack you in the head.

 

3. You talk about not having enough money to raise kids but you want to shop every week and travel overseas every few months? Seriously?

 

4. I’m thankful that Allah SWT and Prophet Muhammad SAW taught us the concept of barakah and moderation. Life is much easier.

 

5. By not giving our children everything they asked for, we’re doing a lot of good to them.

 

6. Life is a lot easier and calmer if we plan to only please Allah; when we please Him, all the important people in our lives will be happy too.

 

7. When we please Allah, we save a lot of money. Then we can donate some more so we can please Him even more. It’s that simple.

 

8. It’s true, ignoring worldy things put our minds at peace. Without vanity or being materialistic, it’s easier to feel happy and calm.

Wedding Photography

Written on 28th September 2011, 2049hrs

Disclaimer: There are a few terms in here using Malay language, but I don’t think it disturbs the meaning of the whole article.

 

I’m not saying that I’m a good photographer; there’s a lot for me to learn still, but I do know what I want to achieve, and what I’d love to see.

 

I love it when wedding (or any event, actually) photos includes candid shots of the couple’s family members enjoying the beautiful day. I’m not a really big fan of posing/’control ayu’ kinds of posts…of course I’d want a nice photo of me and my husband but I’d want to know what the rest of the family is doing, how they enjoyed themselves during the wedding, what funny things happened on that happy day.

 

I’d love to see the emotions caught on camera.

Like the face of the father and mother of the bride, and groom.

The joy of the children, running around while the bride and groom are having palpitations – mixed anxiety and happiness.

The emotions of the couple before and after the solemnisation is done. I could see from a recent wedding I went to, the face of the bride was so different before and after…it’s like a huge burden has been lifted off her and she’s way calmer.

 

I’d love to see the little flower girls preparing for their important role. How the parents would try to organise them into lines and tell them to “not walk too fast but not too slowly”.

I love to see the uncles sitting in a row, at first quietly, and then they’d start chit chatting and suddenly erupt into laughter.

 

I love it natural rather than acted.

 

As there are too many cameras these days, it makes the already awkward situation more awkward during the “upacara membatalkan air sembahyang” where the wife kisses her husband’s hand for the first time, and the husband kisses her forehead. It’s supposed to be such a sweet moment for the two of them, but when photographers tell them to stay at a certain position longer, on top of the couple already being aware that the whole family is watching, it just spoils the moment.

 

I don’t like the term “nice for the photos”, be it about the make up, or about the occuring events. Everything should be natural. I was born into a family who’s not very fond of layers and layers of make up, intending to make someone’s eyes look bigger or nose look sharper, more so if it’s only for the photos. I mean, as brides we’d want to be comfortable and neutral, so that we could remember the day as beautifully as possible, not to be conscious about our makeups, fake eye lashes, hair, tiara and/or veil, the photographers…would this be nice, would this look weird in the photographs…

 

For me, being happy and confident makes a whole lot of difference to our whole appearance.

 

Ooops…back to our candid shots.

 

I do notice that, in facebook (therefore I’m sure the response is similar in ‘real life’ too), people always get excited and comment more on the candid photos rather than the posed/acted ones.

 

Like during a friend’s wedding, I couldn’t get too close to the couple, but I managed to get some candid shots when they were singing, when the cousin was singing…the photos had a lot more hits/comments than some of the posed photos that I’ve taken for some other weddings.

 

For our hari raya photos, my family members were more excited looking at the candid shots rather than the proper shots.

 

I love this one shot years ago of my brother sitting on a buggy during a wedding, and a few little boys were watching excitedly from behind.

 

There’s one photo during Jaspal’s wedding when I was busy with my camera right behind the couple. I didn’t look pretty at all in that photo, in fact my face looked really weird, haha, but somehow I think it’s a really good shot by her photographer.

 

Of course we’d want to appreciate the people who made the dulang hantaran (in which, if it’s my family, most often than not it’s my aunt who prepared them), and take shots of them. But I don’t want to see FIVE shots of the pair of shoe I gave my husband, do I?

 

I loved it when my little cousins struggle to hold the cold and sticky ice kepal, or when the little girls sit in a circle together eating their 5th helping of the delicious soto.

 

During my previous wedding I asked the photographer to take photos of my family members too. I introduced my family to them. I didn’t want the day (or photos) to be all about me.

 

I could see that many photographers take nice shots of the couple, nice portraits, nice sunset, nice hall, nice flowers, nice rings…but for me, the best photographer is the person who makes the best out of what he sees.

 

For me, the best photographers is the one who could capture not only the beauty and happiness of the couple, but also the mood, the joy, the merriment of the whole event, so that when one looks at the photo album, he/she could feel, smell and see that special day again