From My Heart


March 2015


Lihatlah langit di atas sana
Tersenyum melihat tingkah kita
Selalu ada peristiwa
Yang membawa pertengkaran

* * *
All couples fight.
Younger couples, probably even more.

If they love each other, they will find a way to reconcile.

They will get away to a quiet place, one for each, think about their love.
And come back.

If they want things to work, they could always work things out.
No matter what.

But some…..

They give up.
Perhaps they have never faced failures.
Or difficulties.

They thought perfection belongs in this world.

* * *


Birmingham International Airport, 29th March 2015, 1040hrs

Sometimes you wish your life is simpler. Study, get a job, get married, simple pregnancies, have kids, you love your in-laws, they love you back, your parents love your in-laws, and they love them back. Health, beauty, love. Everything.

But no. That’s not the deal.

If our lives aren’t complicated, how are we ever going to help others in need?

Then I thought of all those patients, and their carers, that I have met throughout my career.

Like that lady. Divorced. Ten children. One had serious brain injury during an accident, now bed-bound, unable to talk, move, having many episodes of infections. On top of that, she has another son who has been epileptic since childhood, with some learning disabilities.

That man, almost blind with diabetes. Could barely do much because of lethargy as his kidneys weren’t good. Has one disabled son. Wife works part time. Even have another unemployed sister staying under their roof.

Or this man who just had a stroke. Wife is away in another country, working for a living. His other family members away in their hometown in a neighbouring country. Only friends around.

Or this loyal elderly man, who took care of his wife, ill with terminal cancer. He is thin, frail and unwell himself. Day in, day out.

Or this lady, whose husband had terminal cancer. Three young children. The man passed away the night before school reopens on a new year.

Cousins and friends with multiple miscarriages.

Friends with debilitating illnesses.

Those friends with broken families.

Everyone suffers for something. Somewhere in life. That is for sure.

All the courage needed to face another day.
All the strength needed to say “I will be ok.”

All the energy spent not giving up, because life just needs to go on.

All of that is not without any reasons.
One of it is, because we need each other.

* * *
Setiap hari ku mohon agar Kau sentiasa
Memberiku ketenangan, dalam hati kekuatan
Menempuni segala dugaan yang mencabar ini
Pasti punya ertinya

Kau beriku harapan
Menjawab segala persoalan
Hadapi semua dengan tenang
Dengan merasa kesyukuran
Ku doa Kau selalu mengawasi gerak geriku
Berkatilah, ku perlu rahmat dariMu

Oh, Tuhan
Tenangkan hati dalam sanibariku
Untuk menempuhi segala
Hidup penuh cabaran ini
Oh, Tuhan
Ku berserah segalanya kepadaMu
Agar jiwaku tenang dengan bimbinganmu selalu

Ada kala ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca
Jikalau tidak bersabar, hancur berderailah akhirnya
Tabahkanlah hatiku melalui semua itu
Kuatkanlah, cekalkanlah diriku

Curahkanlah nikmatMu pada hidupku

Sheila Majid’s Ku Mohon



July 2007.

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days in my life. Indeed I was happy. There were so many loved ones around, all feeling festive and excited. Cik Fuah was doing what she has always done, and will always do. You were annoying us all by singing this song. All the time.

Twenty months passed. Things did not go the way we wanted it to be.

You, like the rest of them, were there for me. Like the song you sang all those months before.

You were there as the shoulder to cry on.
No, I did not tell you stories, but you were there.

You drove me to work, and back.
You joined me for dinner.
You slept in my house when I was alone.

We went for movies, theatres, and sometimes trips.

We did not have much.
Times were difficult.

With all the troubles in our lives, we had each other.

You were my umbrella.

* * *

I know you must be apprehensive of the changes that are going to happen.

There are so many things that you will experience; unexpected, surprising.
You will say things you never thought you would say.
You will feel what you never thought you would ever feel.

You know it has been rocky from the word go.
We are worried that all hell will break lose.

But I hope we are stronger than that.

Perhaps only broken people would understand the broken.
It is only when we have felt our worst, that we could understand the worst of scenarios.

Maybe only broken people could pick up the pieces together, and build an even more beautiful creation, lasting to the paradise.

Therefore I do believe we are stronger than that.

* * *

Whatever you feel, please know that we will be there for you.

Do know that we trust you, and will pray for the best for you.

Believe that you are strong, the way we have all tried to be all this while.

All that have happened to us, did not happen without a reason, because I believe, only then could we hold hands with those who had it as bad as we have.

We are all here to climb up together, to be happy together.
Those hardships were never meant to tear us apart.

Life will not be easier.
But we should strive to be stronger.

Hugs, love.


* * *
Umbrella by Rihanna
You had my heart, and we’ll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines, but you’ll still be my star
Baby ’cause in the dark, you can’t see shiny cars
And that’s when you need me there
With you, I’ll always share

Because when the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
Took an oath, I’ma stick it out to the end
Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things will never come in between
You’re part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we’ll mend your heart

You can run into my arms
It’s okay, don’t be alarmed, come in to me
There’s no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I’ll be all you need and more

Because when the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be your friend
Took an oath, I’ma stick it out to the end

Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrellaIMG_1749.JPG

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