I hoped.

And then not.

And hoped again.

And then decided not to.

But as the train moved into London, my heart was filled with hopes and dreams.

My dear,

We’ve been through this for so many years, it is unbelievable. Well, at least I have. We’ve been close, and then we fell apart, but never too far. I thought I was fine, I was ok without hoping anymore. I thought I did not care. But I do. I do so much. I jumped with every moment of pain that you went through. I cared not only about you, and you know that very well.

My dear,

That big smile of yours meant so much to me, and it still does. It is amazing how you could still make me smile after all this while, for that I am forever grateful.

My dear,

You know very well that I have you in my prayers. You and I know that God will answer me in His own special way, His own timely schedule. You and I understand that His answers will only be good. I know, even if I don’t have hope on you, I have hopes on Him, to bring me everywhere I should be, and to give you and me the eternal happiness. 

I don’t know why we are where we are, I don’t know why we are doing what we’re doing, I don’t know why there is too much struggle to go through, at least on my side. All I could do is to look into myself; maybe He wanted more from me, He expected better, much much better from me, for perhaps I have not lived up to my potential. 

Until then.

Hold on, I would.

Keep on trying, I should.

Have faith, I will. 

Always.