Listened to Sheikh Yasir Qadhi’s lecture on the Battle of Uhud this morning. The lessons include:(1) If you need to make a decision, discuss with people around you (according to your situation), and pray istikhara so that Allah will guide your final decision.

(2) Once a decision has been made, there is no turning back. Whatever happens in the future, it is already decreed. Don’t ask yourselves “what if”. It’s going to open doors to regrets, anxiety and despair. 

(3) Work hard for things to work out. It does not make sense to go to a battle without arms, and without armour. The outcome is, of course, Allah’s decision, but the effort is entirely ours to make.
. . .
I have asked myself again and again and again, why did I even begin to take a series of exams of which ultimately I have to speak in front of examiners, when I know that I have this stage fright when it comes to speaking? How am I ever going to pass if I can’t overcome this fear?

Even when I’m on my own, memorizing something, I’d be fine if I’m just sitting and reciting. The moment I put a voice recorder in front of me, I start to stutter and fumble.
What made me decide to take MRCP at the first place?
Towards the end of housemanship, my (now) ex was concerned about my career path. He didn’t want me to be stuck as an MO for too long as he was having a miserable time himself. After multiple discussions with him, and in between, a few other doctors, this was the decision I made back in 2009 and yes, I’m still in this long arduous journey.

I don’t remember doing istikharah though, but I guess it’s been too long for regrets anyway.

And yes, I do love my job (to a certain extent…hahah).
But this is my final sprint. I can’t be looking back and ask myself why did I even begin, right? It’s too late, and yes, from the story of the Battle of Uhud, all I need to do is give it my best ever shot, and leave the rest to Allah. 
Whatever the outcome is, Allah has allowed me in this journey long enough and I have learnt so much about myself, and about life. I’m sure nothing will go to waste, no matter what happens after this.

. . .

This is Uhud Mountain Range, Madinah al Munawwarah, Dec 2016.