My heart broke when I read about it.
I was sitting with my colleague and my specialist in an office when I stumbled upon the sad news. She had finalised her divorce. Tears dropped. Everything around me became a blur.
We all knew, as she has written in her heart-moving articles, that she has strong emotions and attachments. Her name linguistically means “a fragile flower, a fighter” which makes you wonder, how could somebody so fragile be a fighter? But I guess it is the wonder of this life. Grass and small flowers usually don’t get damaged in a storm, but large trees get uprooted.
A small part of me said, “now nobody should say anything. Even a pious reliilgious teacher like her got divorces. What is it with all the stigma, then?” No, I was not happy or relieved, but somehow it did give me some consolation.
I certainly hope and pray that she will stay strong through all this. I know she will find strength through the words of Allah, the words that she has introduced to us all this while. May Allah continue to bless her life, and make her happy, the way she has inspired thousands upon thousands of others, including myself, to go through our lives as best as we could, no matter what happens in life.
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The most amazing thing about her is, she did not use her popularity to speak ill against her ex-husband.
She did not use the social media platform to show that she’s innocent and he’s guilty for the breakdown of this sacred relationship.
She carried on with her life as the rest of us should do – with grace and strength.
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I realized, painfully, that as I grew older, more and more marriages break down. Each of the divorces among my friends broke my heart, even when the marriage has been troubled for many years. I thought they managed to figure things out, you see.
I’m certainly not in the position to say anything about all these break ups. In fact 10% of couples get divorced. It’s just that, you wish it is not one of your friends, or your family members. You wish the statistics will go down, and even if it stays, you hope it is someone you don’t know. There are some things in life that you don’t want to be a pioneer in.
And I know for a fact, among those couples that stay together, not all of them are harmonious.
The thing is, I do hope that the fights don’t continue online. I believe in most cases, both sides have their own share of faults and guilt over the break up. Nobody is perfect and there will always be parts that don’t fit no matter how they tried.
I believe that if one continues to say bad things about the ex-partner online, it only reflects that person, not so much of the ex. Yes, maybe the ex has faults, maybe the ex did this and that unacceptable thing, maybe it truly was evil, what the ex did, but that person shared a life with you at one point of time.
By you screaming and shouting online, one could only sum up that you have been screaming and shouting behind closed doors. By trying to smear you ex-partner’s name, you’re only smearing your own reputation. Even when what your ex-partner did was TOTALLY wrong.
The best way to uphold your reputation is to uphold your manners. Then only you will have less to answer, if there ever is a question.
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Do you know that Prophet Muhammad SAW said, the worst thing a man could do is sleep with his wife and talk about it to others the next day?
I know he meant the intimacy. But don’t you think the same goes to everything else that happened in the household? Do you know how much it hurts when someone talks about you, on the thing that is strictly, STRICTLY confidential?
Do you remember that Prophet Muhammad SAW also said, “Those who cover the shame of others, Allah will cover their shame on the day of judgement,”?
Even if the other side is waging a war against you online, in front of everyone you both know, don’t you think it is good manners to NOT do the same?
I know how tempting it must be to let more people know about your fight and struggle, so that they may be able to help you, or at least pray for you. But everything has its limits.
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Having said all that, good manners are not for show. Good manners is a means to get closer to Allah SWT.
Good manners is not used for maintaining one’s reputation, and if we are in the right path, it does not matter what other people say about us. The only thing that matters is how Allah sees us.
BUT good manners do beautify this world, so by having good manners, we help make this world a more peaceful place to live. Isn’t that a nice thing to do?