I don’t know why, this image of a college in London has become one of the motivating factors in my struggle to pass this exam.

Let me recall…

I decided to pay that college a visit, since a close friend of mine was a student there many years ago. We have been walking the whole day, starting from the hotel to visit The Gherkin, and then Lloyd which is actually right around the corner, then another long walk looking for the right train station. We were lucky, because although the day was a little icy, the skies were bright and blue.

We stopped by outside Tower of London for my little sister to play ice skating. I did not join her as I have aged a bit, hence my coordination was not as good as it was 15 years ago. So I watched her and took a few photographs.

We walked again to the Tower Bridge, where we (somehow) spent a considerable amount of time on the top floor itself, in the museum. When we finally crossed the Thames, we walked about to look for a place to pray, before walking again to look for this college which seemed to be quite far from the City Hall.

Well, it was not! We walked through the train station just to find out that Guy’s Hospital was right across the road!

As the building I was looking for gets nearer, I became more excited.

Like I said, it was a beautiful day, with bright blue skies with a few patches of cloud, but no rain. The day was almost dark, it was probably around 3pm at that time. We’d better hurry before the sun sets, and that was not a part of London I was familiar with.

Then we saw it. The red bricked building with the roots of some creeping plants up its facade, which would be replaced with green leaves in summer. The sun shone on our faces. The winds blowing and the brown leaves falling.

It was beautiful.

I stood there reminiscing how it felt to be a medical student, wondering how stressed the students might be in those libraries, and then took a few photos, and then we left to get to Architecture Association near Oxford Street.

While walking through the open halls of the college, I looked around and thought, there must be loads of researches going on in this college at the moment. The people here must have gone all over the world to give lectures and speeches about medicine, from the basics to the advanced sciences, the latest findings and the best manners to deal with patients.

Where did that place me? The humble doctor who’s still struggling to remember, which one of the inotropes would cause more tachycardia, and which one would cause peripheral vasodilation. The girl who’s still asking around what cortical blindness actually means.

I had to do something. I had to take this short contemplation as a motivation. I must also take those Muslims in their golden era when modern science were developing, when new inventions were produced so that the world would be an easier place to live, for the good of mankind.

I left with a renewed sense of purpose.

* * *

The other day I had the chance to sit with the makcik again.

This time around, she told me about her son, whom she did not need to force to study. He has his own conscience, she said. He would study when he needed to, and he is very disciplined.

I wondered in my mind, how did he make room for everything, seeing how busy he is with his extracurricular activities.

As if knowing my questions, she said, “He’s the kind of person who would get up and do something immediately when it needs to get done. He doesn’t wait, and he moves very fast.” She continued, “He could go up a flight of stairs with just three steps!” Then she laughed.

* * *

I can’t believe the exam is so near.

Actually I can’t believe that I have reached this final stage. It has been a long and arduous journey, challenging me mentally and at times financially.

I am forever thankful for the strong support and prayers from my family, and those who truly love me. So many of them have been with me since the start, and some just recently, but I guess in the end the outcome will have to come from within me, and of course, His Grace and Mercy.

I don’t know why I’m making such a big deal out of this. Perhaps it’s just the drama queen in me.

Or perhaps it really IS a big deal.

Wish me luck.
More importantly, please pray for me.

* * *

Hampir Ke Situ by Mendua
Aku sadar bukan mudah untuk mengejar mimpi indah
Pernah suatu ketika dulu ku punya harapan besar
Kini aku tak pasti
Dapatkah ku miliki

Sudah jauh kita tempuh, kekalkanlah impian lalu
Mungkin ada hikmah yg akan menunggu di penghujung jalan
Biar nanti kecewa
Setidak-tidaknya cuba

Jika halangan menduga perjalanan kita
Janganlah kau putus asa
Kerna ku ada di sisi, setia menemani
Andai semangat mu gugur, genggamlan tanganku
Kita hampir ke situ

Adakala ku terasa
Ketabahan tak setegah
Tetapi apakan andainya
Berhenti separuh jalan
Percayalah padaku
Aku yakin kita mampu

Biar orang katakan rapuhnya harapan
Bukan mereka tentukan tapi kau ada aku, dan aku punya kamu
Dapatlah akhirnya tetap bersama