I was so blessed to have had the chance to attend Ilmfest Malaysia 2014 that was held in Putrajaya International Convention Center over the weekend, even when I only managed to get there on one of the two days. My journey there was filled with obstacles but alhamdulillah, it was worth every minute.

It felt amazing to sit in the nice plenary hall with a cool ambience, listening to the Sheikhs who have spent their lives studying the life of a man. A man so loved that his character is followed by millions of us; a man so cherished that he is sorely missed, even when we have never spent time with him personally; a man so gentle that we have him in our minds everyday without us never having met him, ever.

Most importantly, our hearts knew that he loved, and loves us, more than any of us could do in return.

He is Our most beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Listening to his life stories, listening to his words that has been narrated but a chain of faithful women and men, my soul was moved to a different place. My heart felt something that I have never felt before.

Oh dear Rasulullah, there is so much love in your heart, I can’t imagine how much peace that you had in your life.
I tried to imagine the deep tranquility you felt in your soul; even when I know I may never reach that deep, trying to get there was such a beautiful feeling, it made me cry.

Dear Rasulullah, our beloved, how did we end up living in such a turmoil, when your guidance have brought so many other lives to be in harmony with this world? What did we do wrong?

I imagined you waking up in the still of the night, near the wee hours in the morning, just to send your thankfulness to your Lord. I imagined you praying for us, for all of us, so that our lives would be blessed and easy, even when you have not even met us.

I imagined you taking a deep breath, revelling in the most beautiful time of the day: fajr. As the sun rises, the skies turn brighter, the birds start to leave their homes, you’d lead the morning congregation.

I thought of how blissful Aisyah could have been, to have such a perfect husband like you.

I had your smile in my mind. The smile you have never been seen without. The smile that inspired me and millions of others, to continue bringing that joy forward, until the end of times.

I had your smile in my mind, the smile that could make me cry just thinking of how little we follow your footsteps everyday, your humble character and your friendly speech, never hurting anyone, making everyone around you feel special.

I had your smile in my mind, the smile that you gave to the young children amongst your people, showing the rough Arabs of the time on how to shower kids with love, attention and education. A smile through which these words were spoken, “Whoever does not love others, he will not be loved.”

I had your smile in my mind, that sad, final smile, as you sat by your window, watching Abu Bakar lead the fajr prayers, because you were too unwell to attend the masjid.

I had that smile in my mind, a smile of a person, knowing that his job was done.
The final smile before you left this temporary world.

As we are missing you right now, ya Rasulullah, we could never imagine how much your companions would have missed you when you were gone.
We could never imagine how quiet the world would have felt, without your voice giving out words of guidance.
We could never imagine a world without your smile.

But it’s alright.
You may not be here in person, but you are always here in our hearts.

May Allah bring us all together one fine, very fine, day.
InsyaaAllah.

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