Lesson of the week: If you want to write something, just do it.
For the past two weeks, I have been planning to write on so many things. Everyday different ideas lighted up my mind. I had surges of inspiration that came from people around me.
I was so intent on writing all of them over the weekend instead of sitting in front of my laptop every night, with the excuse of the need to study and read some non-fiction, inspiring books. Which is not a bad excuse altogether. It actually sounded very reasonable at that time, and I still think it’s valid.
However, it’s not without consequences.
Saturday went by.
I’m still blinking in front of my laptop screen, thinking, “where did all those beautiful ideas go?”
It’s not like I did not try to force it out of the deepest crevices of my emotions. I played some songs on my MP3 player attached to the worth-every-cent Sony speakers (I JUST have to promote this beauty), in my breezy room. The faces of those I love flashed in front of me, those people who have inspired me in the past, both near and distant. Then I opened the picture files and looked at those sunrise, white sandy beach, blue sky, white clouds floating by. I lie in my bed thinking maybe if I sleep for a while I might wake up with the same feelings I had many days ago.
Nope. The emotions are just not there.
I wanted to write about my trip with Syasya to Terengganu last year. It was so beautiful and meant so much to me, I couldn’t have written it with the state of my mind yesterday, it wouldn’t serve that memory any justice.
I wanted to write about all those inspiring government hospital doctors, head of departments that I have met over the years. About their dedication to their patients and continuing education for their juniors. Teaching anyone they could without being paid any extra. Spending days and nights thinking of their patients and searching answers for perplexing cases. It wouldn’t do them justice as well, if I have decided to just put down the words that I planned to put many days ago, without the emotion bit coming along.
I wanted to write about food and extravagance, but it sounded too dry even in my mind.
I wanted to write about the person who inspired me to write. Or rather, how he managed to inspire me to write again.
I just realized. That, I can do now.
* * *
Four years ago I stumbled upon this blog written by a medical student. (He was a medical student at the time the blog was written, he stopped writing since he started working).
Well, actually “stumbled” is wrong, rather, I searched for it because I noticed that this young doctor interestingly writes beautiful words even in the hospital documentation. He spoke good English too, it’s refreshing to hear.
I had a feeling that this person has some talent and may even own a blog site.
I was right.
It was amazing. First and foremost, the things he wrote about, most of them, I wouldn’t put in my blog. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that we have such different personalities, different views of things and we write on different areas.
He wrote about his favourite singer, about his fellow bloggers, some bits about his life as a medical student there, his friends, his family. He sounded very happy in most of his articles.
What strikes me the most was the passion that was felt in every word he put down. He would update his blog whenever he has this overwhelming feeling of happiness and excitement, and it happened a lot. He would update his blog even when he received a call in the middle of the night when he’s asleep, just because he HAD to write about it.
You could feel his height of emotions, his cheer, when he felt like running or jumping for joy. It’s almost as if he’s a little boy with a red kite and a face brighten up by his smile, running around on the green fields, wind blowing his soft straight hair, so excited that his beloved father had just bought the kite that he wanted so much on his birthday.
Simple pleasures of life, creating such happiness.
Such appreciation for the basic things in life. Love, friendship, companionship.
* * *
He didn’t know that this blog was started because I read his blog. Even through the three years of our friendship, I did not tell him what happened back then.
I did have another blog page before. It was part of Friendster and it’s apparently all gone. I lost most of the articles.
I have been writing since I was a lot younger. I had diaries. I wrote to newspapers, sometimes, when certain issues overwhelmed me and I just had to speak up. My father encouraged me to write.
But this particular blog site, Maria-Syamsi, was contemplated for a few months. I started writing again after something really bad happened to me (read: us) almost five years ago. I had too much emotions to spill, so many lessons in life, so many inspiring people around me who helped me back to my feet. I had some free time and nobody was going to stop me from writing anything I wanted to.
I wrote on Facebook notes. I thought about starting a blog page but I didn’t want to start off something that I wouldn’t maintain. I was not confident that I’d have the istiqamah, the persistence to continue writing, what with my job and unpredictable hours. I did not think I would be able to write as and when I wanted to.
After reading his blog, while literally chilling out in my aunt’s place in Auckland, I decided that I should start a page.
So this is it.
* * *
There’s another thing he’s good at, and I wonder whether it’s a blessing or a curse.
He’s such a sweet person, armed with sweet words, never wanting to let anyone down. It’s as if he wanted to please everyone around him. So one more thing that he, without knowing it, managed to motivate me about, is photography.
My sister and I bought a DSLR a few years ago. i have always wanted to take pretty photos, and my sister had the guts to buy the camera. I don’t know whether it’s impulsion or guts, but it proved to be a good investment. She’s so talented and has good eye, even without any formal training.
We used to go around our house hunting for objects to capture. No, we don’t often do selfies. Haha. I’d shoot flowers and she loved insects as her object. They are pretty.
I sometimes put them up on my Facebook wall, and often he was the first person to praise in wonder and amazement. His encouragement made me spend more time with my camera, learning new things, capturing new objects and life too. Many of these gained his approval and smiles.
All virtual, though. We stay quite far apart and had not much intention to meet up.
I guess his favourite were the candid shots that I took of him singing during his cousin’s wedding, but I guess I’ll never know.
* * *
People come and go in our lives. Sometimes abruptly, at times they just fade away.
I wondered, if I have never known him in my life, what would it be like? Would I still be the same person as I am now? One of my best friends said, I would still be the same happy person, just that he added colour to my life.
I guess she’s right. I love to read and write, I would speak up if I thought I needed to. I would have put down my emotions and thoughts in writing when I wanted to. I would have taken all those photos anyway, because that’s what I have always wanted to do since I flip through travel magazines when I was a little girl.
It’s just that it’s more exciting when it’s done with a smiling companion on my side, pushing and encouraging along the way.