I’m writing this to my Muslim male friends who are about to be married, are married, or no plans yet but will be married someday.

It’s not easy to make anyone understand where this is coming from, and maybe, as always, some might say this is more emotional than anything else.

But you have to know that emotions are part of a human being, and they are processed in the brain, ok…of course, the location is below the site where logical thinking is situated. But still, it’s part of us, men and women.

Back to the topic.

We all know when a lady marries a man, the man automatically becomes the centre of her life, after Allah SWT and Rasulullah SAW. She is to obey his words, fulfill his needs and wants, and make him happy.

The ego of a person who suddenly ‘owns’ another person’s life (and death) sometimes makes him forget that:
(1) he has to support her life at all aspects, including making her happy, treating her gently with love and respect, the way our beloved Prophet did, and
(2) she had a family before her life with him.

So I’m talking about point number two.

I’m not saying that this happens to everyone but it IS a know fact that it occurs in our everyday life.

A man who thinks that his wife doesn’t need to visit her own mother so often because she’s married to him.

A man who doesn’t like his wife asking him permission to meet with her mother and family members because she should make HIM a priority.

A man, and his mother, who’d query “why would she miss her family when WE are her family now, and we are treating her very well?”

A mother who doesn’t think her son’s mother-in-law is an important person too?

If you want to talk about logic…

Does it not make sense that a lady might just miss the person who loves her most, that is her mother? Even when she knows that her husband is central to her life now?

Does it not confirm to any logic that after about 25 years of being with her mother, she will ALWAYS be in her heart?

It is important for a lady to keep in touch with her mother – she’s the one who understands her the most, and if anything were to happen to the lady, to the marriage, it is HER MOTHER who’s going to be there for her!

Well, do you notice that when a lady is in labor, she’ll not be calling anyone else’s name but her own mother? Not her husband, not her mother-in-law, not her father, and sometimes not even God, but her mother.

Logically speaking, wouldn’t a man want to appreciate the person who’s made his beloved wife the way she is? Wouldn’t he want to admire the person who taught his wife cooking, and more importantly caring for a husband and his kids?

Wouldn’t it make a lady happy when she gets to meet up with her mother once in a while? A happy wife will make her husband happy, right?

How would YOU yourself feel, if your beloved sister gets married and you very rarely get to see her because her husband “owns” her life now? Wouldn’t YOUR mother be heartbroken?


Written on 26th February 2011 @ 2304hrs