Friday, October 1st 2010. 2316hrs.
My life. What shall I say. It’s been almost 29 years. Not very young. But not old, certainly.
Just listening to this song World Filled With Love gives me glimpses and flashes of my life story.
“But I used to dream about the life I’m living now and I didn’t think I’d miss those things from the past. And I’m not afraid of leaving and letting go of what I had coz I realise that now there’s turning back.”
I mean, I’m caught living in a world filled with love…
So I watched Eat Pray Love yesterday. Connect with the main character? I really did.
When something happens to us, sometimes we realise that something’s amiss in our lives, and we need to go, what they say, search ourselves.
Well, I did not think that I was searching myself. I didn’t know what was happening and indeed I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was life has to go on, I can recover from what has happened but I just need some time. I knew I have love with me. Love of my family, and my friends.
“Go,” my dad said. “Just go anywhere. Have a good break. Just…..visit your brother in the UK or something.”
I didn’t know why he asked me to get a holiday. Was I in the mood for a holiday? Like this? The first thing that went through my mind was, wouldn’t I be sad going for a holiday ALONE?
But I planned for the trip, anyway. Somehow somewhere deep inside I thought it was a good idea.
And my boss seemed to think so too. He managed to find another person for the department, so that I could go for a two-week break.
“Just go,” he said.
He did ask, “What are you going to do with your life now?” I looked at him, really blank. How would I know? “I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I’ll need to stay here for a while….I don’t know.” Maybe he could see that I really really didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. So he didn’t ask anymore.
But yes, I went off. To New Zealand. I didn’t know what I was doing there. Yes, my dearest aunt lives there but I wasn’t searching for anything in particular.
Not to eat like they apparently do in Italy. Or learn language.
Not to search for God like they do in India.
And certainly not look for love like they do in Bali, except family love, of course.
Well, I did find God.
There’s a place in the North Island, that the Maoris say where the souls go through before they’re raised to the havens.
When I was there, I could understand why they say so.
It’s just that it’s all nature and Godly creations…..all wind and hills and stones and waves and sand….if you really sit alone on the edge of the rocks, you just feel like you’re there and God is so near you. It’s so spiritual that you’d feel like you could ask for anything and He will grant you your wish, because He’s just so NEAR. So I asked for strength.
True enough, He Granted my wishes.
After two wonderful weeks, I came back. Two weeks of learning to live life at the fullest. To just DO it because you’re here.
Trips and trips up north and east and all over the place.
With joy and laughter of family and friends.
The cheer and energy of the young girls.
The awkward teenage boys.
Just DO it. Then life will mean more. Do it right, there’s no time to lie idle. It’s ok to rest sometimes, though.
Never look back with regrets. Look back just to learn, and then walk forward again.
Love with all your heart. And smile from your heart too. Even when they don’t love or smile back.
“I’m caught living in a world filled with love, so if teardrops fall from me like rain from above, I can brush my troubles away, know that deep down inside, I’ve got sunshine in my life.”