No wonder I had bad feelings on Sunday night.

Bad things happened on Monday.

Monday night I found myself sitting in the police station with my dear brother. Numb, a little sad, bewildered. Scared, too. It was daunting to come to a strange place because of an unwanted event.

At that time the last thing I needed was rude police officers. Thankfully they have been nice. Not super nice but they’re ok. They did not ask funny questions or make stupid comments. Just normal.

We had to see two officers before coming home near 11pm. The policeman said he’d come to our place after that. We waited for almost an hour. Luckily it was at the comfort of our own home.

All the time I was imagining what it might be like for our patients. What it was like for me, myself, was it really that scary.

Our patients. Sick, in pain, suddenly something just happened to them and they don’t know what it is. So they come to us.

It must be daunting for them too. Must be scary, isn’t it?

Just imagine suddenly having very bad chest pain, or difficulty breathing. Or just had their car or motorcycle knocked upside down. Or they have been sick and suddenly they become even more sick.

The last thing they need is rude doctors and nurses and other staff.

And they have to wait in the emergency waiting area, or the freezing cold resuscitation bay.

Patient’s family members. At the thought of possibilities of losing someone they love and care so much.

Scary can’t cover all those feelings.

I kept thinking and thinking, whether it’s more scary to sit and wait in the hospital emergency department, or in the police station.

I can’t get an answer.

At least what I had to report about was not so big. I mean, yes, it was a big loss but I could, insyaAllah, always earn more.

But then again just imagine those who had just been robbed, or hit by someone else, or other worse things that I can’t even bring myself to say it here…scary can’t even begin to describe what they might feel.

We health professionals might not be too scared to be in the all-too-familiar hospital walls when we’re sick. But, really?

Like when I knew that 1 litre of blood loss won’t kill me. However if I have to go through the 5th GA in my life – just thinking about it would freak me out.

Easy conclusions. But at times difficult to carry out. With never-ending patients and demands and lack of sleep, food and appreciation, our job really tests our patience.

Still, it would be useful to remind ourselves that if we were in their positions, we may be as scared as they are. And we’ll never know how we’d react to our feelings.


P/S: For Ihab, get well soon! 🙂