It’s disheartening, really, to see how many people actually don’t have anyone to care for the when they’re sick. Even when they have raised ten children. At the same time it is nice to see young women and men around my age who stick around, quit their jobs or college, to care for their ill parent(s).

I guess for some it is quite difficult. Especially those with more daughters than sons.

You see, it is a general idea that women give better nursing care then men. Daughters care for their parents’ needs more than sons. It is not necessarily so, but it is a general idea. Women tend to be more anxious (and guilty) about caring for their parents too.

But then again, it is also Asian tradition that once a girl is married, she is bound to the husband.

So that’s where our society went wrong.

Say, if a man has 3 daughters and 2 sons. The three daughters are married and the two sons aren’t. So the daughters aren’t expected, at all, to care for the sick father. While the sons might not be good in nursing the ill. He’s not married, so he has no wife to offer to care for his dad.

Furthermore, I notice that a lot of old Chinese man will only count the number of sons he has when I ask them on how many children they have. Like the above case, he’d say he has “2 children” rather than 5. So I would now ask them “Two as in two sons or two children including daughters?”

Back to the topic.

Even for a Muslim, I was told that the husband is the most powerful person in a woman’s life.
Well, what if her parent is sick and her other siblings are too young to care for the parent?
If the husband doesn’t allow her to be on her parent’s side, then she couldn’t, you see.

You’d ask yourself, what kind of a rule is that?
For me, the man should be wise. If he loves his wife he should make his wife happy by letting her be with her mom or dad when they need her the most. No matter how much “power” he thinks he has but does he really want to keep on trying to resolve his wife’s guilt and sorrow for not being with the parent? It is easier to let her do what she needs to do, isn’t it?

Well, there ARE a lot of stupid men out there, really.


I think if Asian men would actually let go off their ego and let their wives help out with her family, the world would be a better place for these ill old (and not-so-old) people. And these men’s mothers too…shouldn’t be too possessive of their daughter-in-laws, really. They would want their own daughters to come back and care for them when they’re sick, right?

I have great respect for those husbands who support their wives through tough times by caring for the wife’s parents when they’re ill. Or by caring for the children while the wives care for the parents.

And I have great respect for young people who, with full devotion, sacrifice their life, to care for their ill parents till the end of their lives. Recently I was even more amazed with a family when both parents were quite gravely ill, and the young children stick together through this difficult time…

I do hope I could find someone who’d understand how much I need to help my parents, the same way I would do for his own parents. I’m sure he’d want his daughters to come back to help him when he’s sick too.

* * *

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Ada syurga di hujung jarimu
Damai sungguh hati, kau penawar di kala sunyi
Ratu hati

Hentikan renungan, jauhi sayu
Hilang tanpamu, bukan kau tak tahu
Nak ku cium dan ku peluk, lari kepadamu
Sayang sungguh ibu

Tak mungkin jemu, tak bisa luntur
Semenjak lahir lagi
Jika tak pernah ku nyatakan, ibu, dengar ini lagu

Lupakan segala sengketa lalu
Maafkan diriku, memang ku tak tahu
Ibu, mommy, mama, umi
Hingga akhir nanti
Pintaku jangan kau sedih
Usah gusar lagi
Kasihmu abadi, utuh di dalam hati
Doaku jangan kau pergi dulu

“Ratu Hati” by Innuendo.