Everyone close enough to me would know that 2009 has not been the best year for me. Well, sort of. To go through what I have gone through was no fun, absolutely no fun at all, and certainly it’s not funny. Yet I did make a lot of jokes out of it, although most of them are sarcastic in nature. I dare not mention the heartbreak and the loss, even to myself,although I have acknowledged and accepted that the feeling will be there, maybe for a long time.

However I did get up from the fall.
Wounds do heal, although with a scar. The scar that I covered with loads of concealer. Loads of it.
People move on, and so do I.

It may have been one very significant loss in my life, but guess what, I gained a lot more after that. The world opened up to me. The sun shines brighter and even the rain is beautiful. The loss was, in some ways, enlightening. The sadness, although harrowing, it is fulfilling. It may be what my soul needs at this point of time.

When I think about it, it is not just one loss, I lost a few…but anyway…

The most important thing is, it made me realise that there’s so much love in my life that I have never noticed before.
I never knew that so many people actually cared about me, loved me.
To quote a movie, “Love actually, IS, all around.”
And I never knew that I could love them back, with all my heart, even more than I ever would before.
I realised that there’s so much love around me. I have never felt appreciated and needed like this. I have never felt as belonged and missed like this before.
Yes, that one person may have meant a lot to me, but now I have even MORE reasons to live. To live happily.

I won’t mention names, but you all know who you are.

It made me discover who I am really. My personality. My response to the surrounding, and more importantly, why I respond in such ways.
It opened up my abilities, my character, and made me see my shortcomings too.
I learnt to feel for myself, to look deep inside me, to be true to who I am, and turn everything negative to positive.
In short, I get to know myself a bit better now.

When I look back again, hey, it has not been a totally bad year after all. It’s a good year, with a major glitch in the middle.

Thank you, everyone, for everything.
Thank you for your love, it means so much to me.
Thank you for your appreciation, even though by means of a smile.

I hope and pray that all of us will have a better year this 2010, no matter how wonderful, or how bad it has been in 2009.
Here’s for a fulfilling, enlightening, and happy new year.

My love for all.
And my smiles too. 🙂

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