Disclaimer: I would so love to tag a few people in this note but for privacy reasons, I guess I should not. This is dedicated to mothers with little sons – I hope you’ll remember this in the future.
I have learnt and recited this lesson a few times now, but today it actually feels so real – NEVER MEDDLE INTO ANY COUPLE’S RELATIONSHIP – EVER!!!
I recently knew and observed a couple, they-who-must-not-be-named, how their relationship is like, and how they are affecting others around them. The man, of course, from my point of view, thinks that he’s always right and keeps blaming every little mishap around him as his wife’s fault. His wife, on the other hand, nags frequently and at times complains a lot.
Typical kind of couple, isn’t it?
As a concerned outsider I was tempted to ‘save the girl from emotional pressure’ – well, before considering what she actually is like. I thought their style is fair and square – he’s like this and she’s like that. They have been like that for quite some time and their relationship doesn’t seem to get worse, probably stronger. I then realised I have been a bit of a ‘kaki sibuk’ in this sense, and, no matter how much I care, I should not meddle in their minor daily squabbles.
I know a lot of people feel the same. Especially parents. And siblings too.
They think that they care. That’s why they love to give other couples their two-cents worth of opinion on relationship and how it should work. Thinking that they might save someone’s life.But it’s never right at the first place. Maybe they have never heard that sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing.
You see, couples, esp newly-weds, are sensitive about relationship issues. They’d always want to think that they are the best couple ever, that they complete each other, the best of friends, that they are match-made in heaven because they are both pretty and handsome and smart and rich, and they are nice people with many friends….
So when an outsider (be it their own family member or their friend) comes and say, “Hey, your partner did this,” or “Your partner was like that,” to them, they’d jump. Either to the concerned stranger, or damagingly worse, to each other. It made them realise that they’re not in fantasy land anymore. They have become the far-from-perfect couple because they embarrass each other, not compromising, irresponsible and rude. Just because someone said they were. When truth is, they are better than that.
There’s a trend these days that families delve too much into a couple’s relationship and way of life. They are too opinionated and keen to offer their observation findings, and worse, wonderful solutions to normal couple issues.
Some parents even think that no woman will ever be good enough for their sons. It seems like this is the current trend too. Well, you’ve raised these men, haven’t you? (Aha…some don’t…that’s why they felt guilty…evil laugh). Why don’t you trust your sons to find their own perfect little wife, handle their own ‘problems’ at the first place? You’ve taught them diplomacy and common sense, haven’t you?
Anyway, no marriage is a perfect marriage. Dear mothers, just remember that time when you have just gotten married and felt inadequate and that you know nothing – all you wanted was to be accepted and loved. You had to learn from scratch too, remember? Why is it different now for your son and his wife?
So today I promise myself that I wouldn’t dare try to be involved in other’s personal lives, no matter how much I care. I plead to mothers, please have faith in your sons. After all you were the ones who has guided their lives before. Now let them use the light they’ve gotten from you.
And young couples, try not to listen too much to outside voices talking about your partner, no matter how much they may appear to care about you. Whatever it is, listen to their opinions objectively and with fairness. After all, the most important thing is you’re happy with the current relationship arrangements.
Oh, oh….and try to live in your own little place. It’s a lot more peaceful. Because two’s company, three’s a crowd, four’s a mess and five is havoc! Don’t even get me started with six, seven and eight…