I started writing on something yesterday, something with a pretty serious tone. I did it halfway, then I had to get home, it was already 8pm. It was supposed to be a short one, but it became much longer than I intended it to be. It’s true, one said to me once, that you wouldn’t know how the piece would end up like, no matter how much you plan it to be, until you’ve sat down and start writing, with all your heart and mind in it.
When I write I couldn’t hear anything around me anymore. Even with my sister chattering away behind me.
But I could hear Dafi’s song in the background. Seumur hidup.
So today here I am, facing my laptop, thinking of finishing the blog I started writing yesterday. But I can’t. Not now, at least. Not when so much of this morning’s encounters are still in my mind.
You might wonder, how could one person recall and talk about one of the most painful memories of his/her life, when one eye is looking at something else, something that makes him/her very very happy? Giving springs to one’s steps? Making one’s day beautiful, while at the same time something else is bothering him/her?
What am I talking about?
I was stopped by an almost total stranger this morning, asking me what has happened to me, to us. Well, I don’t know why, I started pouring out. No details, but the gist of things. I don’t know what made me open up. Number one, I didn’t know that she even remembered me, because the last time I made contact with her was when I was a junior doctor. And she’s back after two years. She wasn’t even there when I was an intern in General Med.
Oh, and number two, she opened up to me, too. What she has observed. What she has deducted so far. And surprise, surprise, she was right. Maybe that’s why I found it easy to talk to her. I managed to get some news too. I hope I did not make anyone look so bad. I don’t want to be that bitter ex. Oh, and I hope she doesn’t go and ‘canang’ to everyone, though yes, most people got it right the first time without having me to tell them anyway.
What am I talking about?
Meanwhile, at that point of time I was actually being very jumpy (though actually not as jumpy as I would’ve had three months ago), agitated (in a good way), very excited (not as excited as I would have been before) and happy, and maybe a bit relieved. I felt a little more at peace. I hope this is a good sign………
Happy almost the whole day. That’s why I can’t write on that serious note. I fell like just singing Dafi’s ‘Seumur Hidup’ which I listened to from the radio on the way to the hospital. And Aizat’s ‘Kau Aku’ as well. It’s all winter and snowing and spring and flowery…..
I thank God I didn’t swear in the car when I was stuck in the jam this morning.
Because I thank God I was late for CME today.
And I thank God those inconsiderate people didn’t fill up the front row first (and I did not swear about them as well).
I thank God because I decided to stand at the back corner of the auditorium.
I promise I’ll learn to take things as it is and not swear too much. Because God knows best.
And He’s made me happy this morning. =)
Strange, isn’t it?
Relieving bitter memories.
While feeling all flowery inside.
I hope I really did get a new trustworthy friend. Kakak, more like.
* * *
Dafi’s ‘Seumur Hidup’.
Created by KRU for the movie Jin Notti.
I’ve always liked this kind of song. Happy, simple and cheerful. Major key. And I’ve always loved KRU.
When I first listened to it, I thought it’s catchy. I couldn’t get the lyrics, though.
But now when I’ve properly fished out the words, it sounds a little corny!!
Still, I like the melody!
Bermula dengan senyuman menjadi daya tarikan
Lalu hati memaksa mendekati dirinya
Sedikit demi sedikit hati semakin tertarik
Hinggalah tanpa sedar, ku dalam kawalannya.
Diri ini dah tak bisa lari
Diberkas untuk dihadapkan ke mahkamah cinta ( OMG!!! 😛 )
Yang arif, izinkanku membuat pengakuan bersalah ke atas semua tuduhan yang disabitkan
Tak guna peguam bela kerana cukup nyata, ku jatuh cinta dengan niat
Maka hukumlah ku bersamanya seumur hidup
Aku rela dipenjara di dalam sangkar hatinya
Biar seribu tahun, kurasakan tak cukup
Setelah lama mencari pasangan di sanubari
Kini sudah terjumpa, dan dialah orangnya