What are the most challenging issues along this month that you’ve faced?
On a scale of one to ten, with zero being no stress at all, ten being the most stressful that you want to jump out of the building, and five is somewhere in between, please rate you stress level.

Hmm…
1. Heavy traffic
Stress score 8
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Out of all the ‘trials’ that I’ve faced in this month, this is the most stressful thing, really really tried my patience, made me really wanted to scream and shout (and I did, actually, once on Tuesday recently). One half hours to work, two hours back from work (when it’s usually one hour and 50mins respectively during other months) really took a toll on my energy and willpower. Whatever study or other plans I had in mind before riding the car would be gone by the minutes, and hours.
The bad thing about being in a heavy traffic is the way all ugly thoughts would rear its head, I’d grow horns and fangs! Trapped in a small-ish space of my wira with nothing better to do, nothing else to think about, can’t write or do something else because the traffic actually DOES move although slowly….really really tired me out.
That’s why I slept over whenever I’m on call, even though most of the time I didn’t need to. I felt calmer and I could do more things.
Thank God it’s all over (hopefully), as I’ve started my leave today. I was all set yesterday, whatever happens I don’t wanna work today because I would just go crazy sitting in the d***** traffic again.

2. Not spreading words that may cause fitnah
Stress score 6
This is more subtle. You know, when someone did something wrong to you, of course you may want to lash out and say “none of this is my fault”, although the actual fact is everyone’s at fault and things should’ve been settled better and “not this way”.
I had to stop myself everyday from putting up leading statuses such as “funny how some people….” or “a man should….” or “if someone does this and this….” or as clear as “love is….” which will cause people to think, “oh, maybe he did this and this and this, and she said this and this…” and it’s already fitnah.
At times I wanted to share so that we could all learn from whatever that has happened, but then again it’s not fair because I wouldn’t want the other party to do the same about me. We all have different versions of the story and none of us may be right. Whether or not they say bad things about me and to whom do they tell things it’s their business. Really, I should stick to my principles and keep my words in check.

3. Being judgemental
Stress score 4
Being analytical is, really, an excuse to being judgemental. Sometimes we tend to say “oh, she did that and that, that’s why she’s like this now.”
But the other person next door is quite nice, still why did the same thing happen to her?
Things happen for a reason and only God knows it, we need to search for the answer but at the same time there’s no need to brand anyone based on their illness/ailment/misfortune. I’ve known someone before who believes so much in “hukum karma”, meaning what goes around comes around. True, but you shouldn’t make it a point to brand such and such person as “having done something wrong” just because their lives are difficult right now.
And another thing about being judgemental is you’d tend to think that when there’s nothing wrong in your life, you’ve been the nicest greatest person on earth. Or you’d think nothing bad will happen to you because you’ve been so careful and respectful and grateful and nice and generous.
That’s another big sin.

4. It’s all about balance
Stress score 7
Time is sooooo precious (yet I managed to find time FB-ing). How do I manage between my parents, my siblings, my other family members, my job, my studies, my friends, and my own life?
I do admit that I lost one but I gained so much more….
I’d need to help out in the kitchen esp in the evenings, which is a bit impossible during weekdays (see point number 1) and also working weekends.
My sister doesn’t like me to stay out/eat out too much because…well, she loves me (and I love her too) and she wants my company. I missed most of her childhood when I was studying and the first 2 1/2 years of my working life. So here she is making the most out of me. Which I don’t mind. I love her to bits. She’s my angel.
My cousins has been asking me out but I haven’t managed to do so until now. We went out once to McD for supper (had a great time chatting away), and once when we send off Hafiz back to Dubai.
My job….not too bad, really. It’s just related too closely to item number 1.
My studies….when I’m too tired I’d just be knocked out and no amount of pushing from my sister would make me wake up! There are days that I manage to qiam at night and study. It’s really good, because it’s more quiet and I feel more rested, and in the morning I’d feel calmer than I ever did before. And when I stay over in the hospital I’d wake up at 4 and study….the rest of the morning would feel so peaceful.
Actually I miss my time in Dublin when the iftar time is around 4.30pm, went on for maghrib, isha’ and tarawih, and by the time I’m done it’s only 6.30pm! So I’d sleep first, wake up at 9pm and study til 1 or 2am. There’d still plenty of time to sleep because subuh would only start at around 6.30-7am. Really, it was great and I felt good and everything seemed to fall into place.
My friends…I only managed to go out with Farah once. That’s yesterday. Before that she’s always on call on the same day as I was. So usually we’d break fast in my ward.
My own personal life. Truth be told I don’t have one, and I realized (with a jolt, actually) that I’m not ready for one. I love life but I guess I’d just stick to swimming (later), scuba diving (later), watching movies, travelling and facebooking and of course blogging/blog-hopping. I’ve been told to “live your life to the fullest while you’re free now before you’re tied to another person” by my bapa angkat (he ended that statement with “he he he”). Yup I’ll do that, with a perfect harmony.

I feel like I’m walking on a thin strand of hair and would stumble anytime if I don’t balance everything well. I believe that God has given me this task for a reason, and when He Gives something to someone, He Knows that the person could handle it. For me, only He could help me, and I could only face all this with His help.

It’s been a month full of trials and tribulations – hunger and thirst lies much much behind in the ‘stress rating’. I do hope and pray that all these will only make me a better person later. At times, to make myself feel better, I’d think that maybe Allah has prepared something great in front of us that He’d prepare me for that first. Maybe. Well, I heard somewhere that if God tests you, it means that He remembers you.

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